Let’s have a little fun. Remember that ‘redneck’ comedian who would ask ‘You may be a redneck if…’ Well, let’s twist that a little.
You may be a liberal if you don’t like worrying about the facts (or truth).
You may be a liberal if you wear a mask, alone, in your car.
You may be a liberal if you wear a mask while exercising outside, by yourself.
You may be a liberal if you don’t adhere to a budget.
You may be a liberal if you think climate change is going to destroy the planet.
You may be a liberal if you worry the crap out of your children with tales of how the world is going to be destroyed by a 1º increase in the temperature.
You may be a liberal if you believe other people should pay for your livelihood.
You may be a liberal if you believe public schools are doing an awesome job in spite of the test scores.
You may be a liberal if you want to defund the police.
You may be a liberal if you advocate for criminals not having to post bail.
You may be a liberal if you advocate for decreasing the prison population.
You may be a liberal if you want to murder yet-to-be-born children.
You may be a liberal if you want parents to stay the hell out of the way of the government raising your children.
You may be a liberal if you believe everyone should earn the same amount; er, well, you know, except for you of course.
You may be a liberal if you believe hiring decisions in university admissions should be race-based.
You may be a liberal if you don’t believe in gender; you’re a gender denier.
You may be a liberal if you refer to ‘people who are pregnant,’ rather than women.
You may be a liberal if you have gender pronouns at the bottom of your emails.
You may be a liberal if you refer to a woman as ‘they’ or ‘him’ because that’s what someone told you.
You may be a liberal if you believe men can have babies.
You may be a liberal if you believe in free speech, well, except for conservatives.
You may be a liberal if you believe everyone must think like you.
You may be a liberal if you believe honest elections are only okay when you’re winning; otherwise, cheat.
You may be a liberal if you believe filling out a bunch of ballots on behalf of seniors who can’t understand what is going on is being helpful.
You may be a liberal if you think talk radio should only be allowed for liberal-talk.
You may be a liberal if you drive a Volvo and have 20 bumper stickers on the back.
You may be a liberal if you believe government workers should get a big pay raise during an economic downturn, ahh, well, and during an economic upturn, and well, all the time.
You may be a liberal if you believe the government never has enough money.
You may be a liberal if you believe schools always need more funding.
You may be a liberal if you support teen gender mutilation in the name of gender identity.
You may be a liberal if you support the auto workers getting a 40% pay increase while you support the green new deal that will destroy the auto workers’ jobs.
You may be a liberal if you think hiring DEI managers is more important than maintaining university buildings.
You may be a liberal if you believe burning down our cities and looting stores is good for business.
You may be a liberal if you believe an open border is the right approach to immigration policy.
You may be a liberal if you believe promoting more homeless people is good for our cities.
You may be a liberal if you believe that January 6th was an insurrection, but the 2010 rioting at Wisconsin’s state capitol was not.
You may be a liberal if you believe the end justifies the means; any means at all.
You may be a liberal if you believe the Palestinians are the good guys.
You may be a liberal if you believe you can never get enough COVID vaccines.
You may be a liberal if you believe that you getting COVID after a vaccine is just a coincidence.
You may be a liberal if you believe chicken and beef are grown in plastic packaging.
You may be a liberal if you want to get rid of the family farm – you know, ‘cause of all that cow sh!t.
You may be a liberal if you believe the older generation of academics should be stealing the livelihood of the young generations through excessive tuition and fees.
Lastly, what we really need is… a vaccine to prevent the deadly infection known as liberalism that so many young people contract in college.
T. Wall holds a degree from the UW in economics and an M.S. in real estate analysis and valuation and is a real estate developer. Disclaimer: The opinions of the writer are not necessarily those of this publication or the left!
